Alot of people don’t seem to consider the following, particularly females when begging their boyfriends to propose.
Marriage doesn’t really change anything.
Marriage is a lot like turning 18 or 21, or any other age really. All that really changes are a) your religious standing as far as having sex, and b) your legal rights as a married person.
You’ll have a big lead up to the wedding, and the wedding and reception will be as big or as small as you want it to be, much like a 21st birthday party.
You’ll go to bed that night (possibly doing something you’ve never done before), and you’ll wake up the next day and feel as though nothing has changed.
I know of a few people getting married soon, and Kelly was asking for advice to give to the bride at the showers she’ll be at. This is the biggest piece of advice I could offer to anyone obsessed with getting married to their significant other (whether they’ll admit their obsession or not).
It. Doesn’t. Change. Your. Relationship.
Really.
If the relationship changes, either you or your partner changed. Which shouldn’t happen. It’s that simple.
amen! ;0)
While overall I agree with your sentiment (that it doesn’t really change your relationship) getting married can have a big impact on your life. The main differences, as sad as it is, are in how other people perceive you and your relationship. For many it says infinitely more to be married than to say you are in a monogamous committed relationship. Living together while married=what you do. Living together in a monogamous committed relationship is often thought of as sinful and shameful. Same thing for couples that have children. An announcement of a child out of wedlock (planned or unplanned) is often met with tears and people talking about you behind your back. A child when you are married, even an unplanned child is instantly celebrated because you are a “real” family! Adopting is easier for couples who are married compared to those who are not. Even how people see you at work or school changes. Saying you can’t do something because you need to spend more time with your boyfriend is scoffed at, but those who say they need to spend more time with their husband/wife almost always get a kinder, more understanding response. Another example relates to a wedding I was invited to a few months ago. My boyfriend was not invited but I was told, had we been married, he definitely would have been. It did not matter that we’d been together three years longer than the couple getting married. It’s sad that it is that way, and that it affects people so much, but those impressions of people can build up and weigh down individuals and in some cases, relationships.
In our case, it’s a big difference because now there will not be date on a piece of paper stating when my significant other has to leave the country and legally we will have more freedom to work and travel as we please. The ability to be put on his health insurance with more coverage at a fraction of the cost I’m paying now is also a big sigh of relief. Just knowing those huge stressors will be off our backs has made a difference in our relationship by taking out a lot of stress and anxiety (although I have no doubt that in some point in our lives stress and anxiety will come back in). It will also mean that I am now a part of his family and he’s a part of mine. Bringing in another family dynamic to your relationship and daily life that perhaps wasn’t there before definitely has impacts, although I can see how in other cases where families are closer during the dating stage, it wouldn’t be that much of a change. For us, getting married also means that culturally, it will be acceptable for me to hold his hand in public (although I still think kissing in public is largely frowned upon). I’ve also noticed that now that I have a ring on my finger, fewer creepy men hit on me when we are in public, which definitely cuts down on awkward situations for both of us ;0)
Overall, I feel a wedding doesn’t change your relationship, but getting married definitely can the dynamics of your life and possibly your relationship.
I should also mention that once we are married, we get a major discount at the gym and a discount on my car insurance. They didn’t care at all when we told them we’d been dating for four years. Go figure :0P